What happens when your healthy golden years stop being fun or functional? This is a reminder to prepare for your own "Deep Age" - the time after healthy retirement when you aren't healthy, and you aren't dead yet. The World Health Organization tells us we can expect the last several years of our lives will be unhealthy physically, mentally, or both. It is better to prepare for Deep Age instead of hoping it will not happen. 

Join the converation: chute me through deep age

DEEP AGE - The time of life after your active retirement years, when you can't play golf and maybe can't even button your own sweater, but you aren't dead yet. Plan on it - you are probably going to spend some time in Deep Age.

THE CHUTE - Your Deep Age residence will include all care services for Deep Age physical and memory disabilities. This is where you will live safely and, we hope, comfortably, as you slide from your active retirement to your coffin (or urn) in a way that fits your budget, personal comfort, and sense of dignity. You want to Chute yourself through Deep Age.

Ten Signals for Deep Age

1. Problems with eating and feeding yourself
2. Difficulty taking a bath or shower without help
3. Difficulty choosing proper clothing or dressing yourself
4. Problems walking or moving from bed to chair
5. Difficulty toileting yourself or incontinence
6. Problems with managing your personal finances, such as paying bills on time, handling mail, or keeping insurance and tax information accurate and up to date
7. Problems completing household tasks such as preparing meals, taking out garbage, and basic home upkeep needs
8. Difficulty keeping a schedule for taking medications or performing prescribed therapeutic exercises or activities
9. Scoring below 25 on the Mini-Mental test (Google "mini-mental: or go to: http://alzheimers.about.com/od/diagnosisissues/a/MMSE.htm)
10. Having relatives, friends, or medical professionals who express concern about you ability to continue living in the place or way you are currently living.

The Alarm – Waking Up to the Facts of Deep Age 

Mom was living alone in her house, a 6-hour drive away from her two daughters. We are her nearest family members but we did not know that Mom was no longer able to be fully functional living independently in her home. Of course, we were concerned when she was ill, spoke with her often, and visited several times a year. We arranged for someone to stop in once or twice a week to help with cleaning, shopping, and errands. Mom enjoyed the privacy of her own home, and did not want to go into “an institution” as she called it. We noticed that she was getting a little slower and more easily confused, but those seemed to be natural signs of aging.

It took an emergency – she lit a fire in the fireplace and it filled her house with smoke – to set off the smoke alarms that woke us up. We needed to find another place for Mom to live, where she would maintain as much independence as she wanted while getting the support she needed.

Deep Age does not always sound an alarm. That is why we need to have a checklist of signals to tell us when we need help. Just one or two of these signals should be a big clue that Deep Age has begun. When these things start to happen, we need to talk about them, and make up a plan of action. Do not make them a shameful secret – most of us will experience them if we live long enough. Being ashamed or fearful can keep us from getting the help we need. With a little assistance, it is possible to have a good quality of life throughout our own Deep Age.

An excerpt from “Take Charge of Your Own Deep Age”, a forthcoming book by Laurie W. Ford, PhD.
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Nine Thoughts on How to Take Charge of Your Own Deep Age

I'll bet my paycheck you haven't planned for your own Deep Age. You think it won't happen, won't last long, or the kids will help you.

Breaking news: It is likely to happen, it could last several years, and your kids don't want the job Trust me on this. They do not want that job.

It has been more than 2 years since I knew we had to move my mother out of her house and into a Chute (a medically staffed residence, all financial-legal arrangements made, with a plan for social activity, and all her stuff handled), so I've had time to think about this Deep Age business. Here are nine thoughts on how to handle our own end-of-life aging process. My goal? To avoid making anybody else have to interrupt their life for 2+ years to do that job for me.

1) Wake up to the likelihood of your own Deep Age. The World Health organization measures average lifespan for every country. They also measure average healthy lifespan. We should expect 8-9 years at the end of our lives when we are not healthy. We think we will “know” when we need to move from living independently to getting help, but that is not true. By the time you cannot remember if you left the stove burner on, you also cannot recognize you are unable to live safely on your own any more. As you age, you will lose physical and mental abilities – you can count on it. Ignoring the future of your likely disability and death is not productive. Saying, “If I ever get like that, shoot me” is not a plan. And, if you don’t have a plan, you’re a victim.

2) Do not be a victim - take charge of your own Deep Age. Make your plan for a “continuing care residence”, at home or elsewhere, that will allow you to slide comfortably through the losses of your old age and into your grave or your urn. Plan it well in advance of needing it. Do not inconvenience your family, friends and neighbors by leaving the burdens of your Deep Age on them.

3) Plan Step 1: Research the housing options. What does your Residential Chute look like? Where will you live, and who will provide care for you when you lose physical and mental capabilities? How can you set up a "continuing care" Chute to carry you from where you are right now into your grave or your urn? It took me 2 ½ months to answer these questions for my mother. I have already started the research to answer it for myself. Don’t leave this job to your kids.

4) Plan Step 2: Clean up your financial picture completely. What does your Financial end-game look like? What do you need to do to get things streamlined into one checking account, one savings account, one investment account? Can you find someone who will manage those accounts for you? My mother, bless her heart, left this in decent shape, but it took me over a year to get it all nailed down and easy to manage and I am still resolving with tax and annuity problems. Thank goodness for Bob, the money guy, who knows how to get a scattering of oddball investment and insurance accounts into one manageable bucket. Thank goodness for Daryl, our banker, who made it easy for me to open and manage accounts and was always available to help solve problems. Get people to help you clean things up and plan for an eventual turnover on managing all of it.

5) Plan Step 3: Nail down your legal matters. What does your Legal situation look like? Who is in charge of your will? Who oversees all your legal matters? Mom had a will, and we were able to sell her house because her documents were in good order. But her tax guy must have been a total slacker, because it took me 2 years to get her tax situation under control. Thank goodness for Fred, my tax guy, who sorted through all her tax documents and helped me get things squared away with the IRS. If you have outstanding liens, lawsuits, or debts, find people to help you put these matters into a package that will be easy for someone else to take over when that is needed.

6) Plan Step 4: Plan for specific changes in your social life. What do you want your Social life look like when you are beyond your active retirement years? What friends and loved ones will you want to have in your life? What kind of contact and communication do you want to maintain with them – by phone, email, or personal visits? What religious, civic, or other holidays do you  want to continue to celebrate? Do you want to keep doing that the same way you have always done it, or are you ready to update some “traditions”? When my mother moved, she left her book group, her neighborhood, and her own social network of telephone and letter-writing friends. I inherited the job of sustaining communications with them, to sustain her network of relationships. Fortunately, I have a sister who helps keep track of “mom’s people” and communicates with them as needed. I also inherited the job of maintaining her holidays in the traditional manner, but not for long. The Christmas of 2006 was the last holiday we celebrated, since now she doesn’t know what day it is.  I’m very happy about this new freedom from tradition, by the way.

7) Plan Step 5: Figure out what you are going to do with your Stuff. Some of your Stuff will be mentioned in your will, and the people you have named will take it. The rest of your Stuff will be sold, donated, trashed, and/or stolen. You need a plan. It is not fair to expect someone else to figure out how to get rid of all your Stuff. It took one day to get mom out of her house, 2 weeks to get her into an assisted living wing in the Residential Chute (they had to get her suite ready), and 10 months to get her house empty. I could write a book (I am writing a book!). The "Stuff" part of the process was so grueling that I resolved I would NEVER do that to another human being. If I can’t clean up after myself, shame on me. After all, when I croak, I am done with the Stuff. But somebody is going to have to move that dresser out of my room and take it to the auction house or the Salvation Army. I am putting my arrangements for that into my plan. (About that book: wait until you hear the story of the Three Trucks…)

8) One day you will move into your Residential Chute. If you have done your planning, you’re ready to move. You might have butterflies, sadness, or even grief, rage, or depression. But moving into the Chute is a great gift to yourself – you will be safer and healthier and happier. It is an even greater gift, however, that you are giving to your family, friends, and neighbors. You are taking a burden from them, and they will be sad to let you go, but they will also be relieved of the responsibility for watching out for you. Even Truly Good People (I have met many of them) will be relieved, although they will never say so. Give yourself a new life of social and personal pleasures without the burdens of residence, financial, and legal maintenance, and without a whole lot of Stuff to weigh you down. Have it be a wonderful occasion.

9) R & R: Ranting and Responsibility. Let yourself rant as needed (more on that later). I know I ranted about the job I did to transition my mother out of her independent life and into the Chute. Go ahead and rant, but take responsibility for your own Deep Age. It is your life, and your Deep Age. Arrange for it consciously, in a way that takes care of yourself and all those around you. Do not put it off any longer - that is just playing the victim to old age, debility, and death. This life is your story, and you get to write the ending. Do not leave your last chapter to chance.